ever.

today i realized that i had made God far to small.

once again.

i had put him under what i saw my far stretching, never ending
problems.
i had let them tear let holes on my insides
and make a home in my flesh
just another dull ache of regret
but
Christ in me hope of glory......?

He knows me

He knows the BIGGER picture and He isnt as small
as i have suggested with my
state.
of.
mind.

no matter how yuck i am
He sees what he created

bout time i see that
so i can walk in it , through it
and give a finger to the
crap crap crappy
crap
that sin wants to infest in my blood

no thank you,

Christ's blood has washed me clean.

....

and then the colour leaked out of everything and we were left with a gray sort of inbetween. i offered you my skin but it didnt fit. so we sat, wishing we could take it all back, leave it all inside the facade we had built so carefully.
so no one would really see the torn bits of 'almost good enough' and the wayward past, littered with only brilliant moments, none that would sustain a life time.

as we sat, with our ugly truths and nylon lies, cutting deep into our flesh. i offered you the last promise i had, it was a promise to begin.
as the ocean spilled over the edges of the clouds, it washed the gray away. till nothing but a blinding blank was left
and a small bottle of ink by my hand with a nudge, like a whisper,

rewrite

when we were young

uh oh

what if
all those times
not filing away
and sorting
these words
and those dotted eyes
means that
one day
i will loose
the memory
that i swore would be burned
into my brain
for forever long

ugg lee

im glad i dont look
as ugly as i feel

i wonder how they see me.

sometimes i think i must see myself like this
because of the yuck stuff
under my skin
but
i remember Kanye saying that
" The prettiest people do the ugliest things "

im glad i dont look as ugly as i feel
wonder how you see me.

out thus

windy summers
with rain pelting down
its a day for covers
over my heart
over my head
over my torso

back

just link your finger with mine
i miss that
comfortable.

im caught off
because your reflection
looks like someone else.

just give me that half smile again
i miss the way
it makes my tummy feel.

i guess i cant ask for more
i let the change drop louder
i didnt choose you


guess i didnt choose anything at all.